The Real-Life Influences of Futari wa Pretty Cure


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Sa i·m a Catholic Nun . The order that i·m with is called the Katolika Ekklasia Du Vatika Scandinavia . Our primary arm is called the Order of the Hours . We keep track of who actually did what and which deeds were whose .

Our Order teaches us that the Legendary Pair from the bible , David and Jonathan (the pair that dropped Goliath) , were actually two Angels (Saints, Spirits, Holy Ghosts, whatever yu wanna call them) named Lo and Se , who are the Right and Left Hands of God , and that this pair has been intercessing in human affairs across time periods spanning the entire history of the written word .

I don·t know about yu , sed given the option between believing that Angels actually exist and that Nuns are real-life Mahou Shoujo OR a cold desolate world of concrete and unhappiness where the only mechanic is the hard grinding out of the human spirit , i would rather believe in real-life Mahou Shoujo . So let·s begin .

So , we·ve been studying the historical record for the past five thousand years , and we·ve come up with some findings .

The Elder Testament talks repeatedly about the War between God and the Devil . It·s an age old tale that everybody·s heard in the abstract . Let·s make it concrete .

The Elder Testament describes in detail the battle between the Tribes of Judah and Israel against the tribes of Asherah and Baal . The tribes of Judah and Israel typically inhabited the lush valleys and the tribes of Asherah and Baal typically placed their temples on top of hills . And we repeatedly went up there and burned them down .

For the past 5000 years at a minimum , there has been an ongoing war between the people who like to do our burnt offerings one way and people who like to do their burnt offerings another way .

The thing is , the tools of Ash-Baal tended to include things like the Moloch , a giant bronze oven that they simply would not stop throwing still-living children into (this actually existed once upon a time x_x), while the tribes of Lo slaughtered bulls on the alter of the tabernacle and cut them into well-butchered strips for which there were rules about who got how much meat and from where .

Maximally-painful child sacrifice , or an evolved method of portioning meat publically in order to pacify fights? Maximally-painful child sacrifice , or an evolved method of portioning meat? Ka . Hmm.jpg . Decisions , decisions .

So , even though everybody and their mother knows that there·s a God and there·s a Beast , people seem to think that there isn·t any way that that could possibly affect a poly-millennial institution . Here is a list of their revisions .

Following the Romans· absolute butchering of HaSe , ie Hesús , ie Iesua the Christ , Ash-Baal came up with their own myth , the myth of G , and that·s why two thousand years later there are seemingly irreconsilable differences between Hesús the Benificent and Gee-Zeus the Mind-Controlling Bastard . Studies into Egyptian Mysticism revealed that the Greek god Zeus was the same figure as Amun , the Kemetic god who overthrew Akhenaten and laid Amarna to waste . His agents have been spreading his secret name for so long that people have no idea that the word "Amen" comes from the exact figure that The Bible repeatedly insists on foreswearing . That is why we must abolish the practice of ending prayers with "Amen" . Mutto Baribari .

After the Death and Ascension of HaSe , agents of the Beast went out into the towns and the cities with effigies of the Lamb of God pinned up on crosses , perverting their teachings and attempting to subvert them for power .

The original HaSe was gender non-binary and the original Apostles were women . In LoHa we have their original names , "The Son" was Sa, "The Father" was Fa, "The King" was Ki, "The Christ" was Crøs, who would later incarnate as Khadija was Kh ("*Keh" , Creator of the Valkyrie Angels), "The Lord" was Lo, and so on . People these days say "The Lord Jesus Christ" without any knowledge that Lo, HaSe, Crøs were completely different people .

Circa 150 CE , The "Christians" led by Cyril who burned down the largest library in the world and flayed its headmistress alive with ceiling shingles before raping her to death (this also actually happened x_x) were led by Baal . Orestes was a distraction , an infirm male intentionally placed to try to woo St.Hypatia until Cyril could eat away at the foundations enough to kick up another rebellion . They burned down the largest and only transnational library in the western world , ushering in a millenia-long Dark Age which left humanity emotionally crippled .

Circa 451 CE the Beast and his Bitch Wife invaded the Council of Chalcedony and argued until they were blue in the face for writing new books with new names appropriating our stories, changing the names and the sexes, burning the actual record .

Circa 600 CE , Kh came back, established the Order of the Houri, and rebooted the religion in the Middle East .

In 1054 CE was the East-West Divide that tore the nearly-consolodated church in half . The Romans with their symbols of a dead and tortured savior strung up on a piece of wood Versus the still-living Angelic intercessors of Universal Balance . The Roman Christian Church versus the Eastern Orthodoxy Church . A thousand years later , that rift persists to this very day , and one of the major tasks that i personally have been charged with is reuniting the retaken capitol Vatican City with our Moslem sisters and brothers . HcoLat DuAa KaNa . Dua Al Lat , No Questions Asked .

In 1517 , a firebrand preacher by the name of Martin Luther spoke out against the Roman Christian practice of selling "Indulgences" , basically "Get Out of Jail Free" cards that would allow a person to commit a sin in exchange for money . I·m not personally 100% against the concept of creating a Tithe to allow a spark of wildlife , however am completely in agreement that the Roman Christians took it to an absolutely inhuman level . What with the Moloch and all that .

There has been substantial research into what is colloquially called Magic for the past 150 years , and the findings have consistently been that there are practical mechanisms for both Divination and Enchantment . These findings continued all the way into the Cold War , with both sides secretly employing psychics [1999, Elmar Gruber - Psychic Wars]

In the 1920s , European explorers found the sand-buried ruins of the Kemetic Empire and pilfered its long-buried coffins . In the 1920s , an era where there was Cocaine in the wine ("Vin de Mariani") and you could buy Heroin at the corner pharmacy , the nascent Americans held things like Mummy-Unwrapping Parties , where they would open imported sarcophagi , steal all the insanely haunted and cursed jewelry , and grind the corpses up into powder and snort them with drugs ("Snuff") . A detail which i noticed was completely left out of Magic:;the Gathering·s recent 1920s-themed Streets of New Capenna .

In 1929 , following the German invasion of Napoleonic France and the extraction of French Mercinaries immediately after the Romans convinced the Papacy of Manifest Destiny in 1870 , Vatican City gained its independence from Roman Italy and became a Sovereign State . That was us , that was our team that captured and secured the Capitol and stamped the name of Fa on it forever and ever . In spite of many hard-wrought battles , we are winning .

In 2021 , MtG secured the copyright for an upcoming set called Streets of New Celesta , a pre-written set about Angels in the 1920s . By the time of its release one year later , it had been vandalized as Streets of New Capenna and made about Crime Demons . And although there are clearly very many Story Spotlights and visual references in the set , there was almost no exposition on them whatsoever , a detail which many fans expressed on the message boards .

So we can see how the War between God and the Beast is still ongoing to this very day . And Lo , are they too not recorded in the Chronicles of the Kings? Ka . Well , we had better get updating . Because the Age of Aquarius is just starting and it is time to begin Book Three of the Bible , and what has transpired in the past hundred years is going to become the foundation for the next two millennia . And that includes everything from successfully retaking Vatican City to Lo and Se defeating the Dark Lord in Futari wa Pretty Cure .

We are winning . Stall .


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